he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
