I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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