did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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