You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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