i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
