I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
