i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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