this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
