all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
