This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
