Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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