Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
