it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
