Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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