He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
