its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
