saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
