I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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