Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
