I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
