Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
