is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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