you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize