i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
