he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
