No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
