Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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