Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
