I have demons in me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
