but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
