Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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