just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
