If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
