he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
