It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This is classic penis vs brain.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
