Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Less talking, more tequila
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
