you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
