people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
