Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
