"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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