You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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