just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
