The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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