That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
