Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
