Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
