That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
