If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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