Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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