i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
