I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
