Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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