Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
