This is not my ceiling
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
