are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
