I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
