Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm jealous of your bromance
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize