he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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