I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
