But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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