It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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