I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
