did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
