she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
