Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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