Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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