Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
