After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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