I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
