therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
