Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
