i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
