My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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