How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I smell like Dick and happiness
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
