i will never coherently bang her
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
