sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
