tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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