So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
