just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I believe in your delicious
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
