Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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