I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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