life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish i was in the wii world.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize