If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
